PRINCIPLES OVER EMOTIONS

I often find myself reflecting back on the turbulent stages I have been through in my twenty-two years of living. Like most people, I can easily admit that I have made mistakes. It's so easy for our minds to flashback to the state of anguish we were once in, (whatever the circumstance) only to hurt all over again.
When we don't learn from our mistakes the first time, as a result, we are thrown into situations of regret that often leads to greater consequences. It's sad to say that for many of us, we have to be beaten and broken down (mentally) to recognise our self worth.

It's typical to say that I have learnt a lot over the years, when in actual fact I haven't. Don't get me wrong I have learned, but no where as close as it should be. I am still learning. More now than I ever have. You see, it's a bitter sweet victory when you realise that your not the weak person you once were, simply because of the trials and tribulations you have overcome. However, the memories of the pain still haunt you, mindful of the fact that it all could have been avoided in the first instance.

A male friend of mine and I were having a conversation the other day about females (Broad topic I know). He'd only just escaped from the war zone of a relationship he'd endured for 6 years with his psychopath ex girlfriend.
Adamant that he had given up on trying to understand the way we 'females' operate, he turned and said to me: 


''All you females are crazy, your FAR too emotional, EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU!'' 


His statement reminded me of myself..How a part of me still is that way. Ok, forget the crazy part *rolls eyes*, I'm referring to where he mentions 'far too emotional'. I mean yes of course we all have emotions- HOWEVER I must point out that the difference between having restrained and unrestrained emotions are crucial to the decisions and actions we choose to make.

I looked at him and looked away.
Painfully aware of truth, I didn't even bother to respond. He was right and I can most definitely testify.....

*2 YEARS EARLIER*

'Thick skinned and full of testosterone’

These were the words my thoughtless ex uttered.

Next to follow was the awkwardly long winded silence and my mockingly surprised reaction.

‘Oh really?’

The cheek of it. I refused to crumble at the expense of my principles and let one single tear drop under any circumstances. I kept my emotions restrained and I intended to keep it that way. Well at least I thought I did.

My ex partner use to criticise me for being far too robotic, apparently my resistance to ditch the principality driven conduct I was so well known for, made me more comparable to a male than a female. *There goes my femininity out the window*

‘Thick skinned?’ 

I never let my guard down or wore my heart on my sleeve, so to speak. There was something weak I found in spilling my guts out in exchange for meaningless remorse. If my ex upset me, he would hurt more than I would. Why? Because he never knew I was hurting.  Shrug it off and get on with it. No calls no texts, nothing.  Of course I was not a complete un-emotive being, the idea was to stick to the zero tolerance morals I believed in. In other words; do not get taken for a ride. It’s as simple as that.

Truth is, his thoughtless remark came as a real bruise to the ego. Which heterosexual female would want to come across as wooden with male like tendencies?  None the less, if guarding my heart with my beliefs were a threat to an alpha male, then surely it was more of strength than a weakness?

My ex partner and I spilt from a year long relationship. It started off pretty normal, we had our fair share of laughs every now and again- in fact we spent the majority of the time laughing our heads off at his juvenile wit. The more time we spent together, the more I realised that my stern ways fell through the window quicker than the Tories booted out Gordan Brown. 


The no nonsense women I was once esteemed for slowly faded away.

The cracks appeared very soon after his ‘thick skinned comment’. Rather than uprooting my morals, I pictured myself morphing into a merciless woman with a cold heart. It dawned on me. I unconsciously let his wrong doings mould the improper actions which later followed. My first mistake was allowing him to challenge my instilled principles, afraid it would lead to my ex’s departure and any other future companions, I began to question them-(Second mistake)

My emotions were at its all time high. Each time I called, it was an outburst or cry for help. Every thoughtless comment mattered even more, I wanted to know why he said it and what it meant.  I repeatedly attempted to reconcile any disagreements we had, but I often found myself in the same position. Hurt and emotionally drained. 


‘Why am I always making the effort?

The second I realised that my decisions were based on my emotionality rather than the principles, the relationship was doomed.  In a blink of an eye it switched from delight to destruction. I had somehow failed to detect the unappealing characteristics he began to unravel because I let my standards slip. There was no doubt I felt vulnerable and even worse, let down with myself.

There’s no secret with women and our great deal of emotions. I can confidently conclude that the majority of the time, we reason with our hearts and not our minds. Let’s face it, highly sensitive and over emotional. Yup that’s us. The moment our hearts are put on the pedestal, our sense of reasoning converts to a stream of unrestrained emotions.

Although I had uncertainties about calling it off, those desires faded away once I reminded myself of the standard principalities I always stuck by, like every virtuous woman should. My killer female instincts immediately eliminated any emotional regard I had for him because it was over-a clear principle over emotion defeat. I won’t be making that same mistake again.


So ladies, lets remember to uphold the principles were often praised for as strong women, it can  prevent a great deal of unnecessary grief and heartbreak <3


Stay posted


Tinah xx